Tag Archives: feelings

Thoughts of death

No, not me. I am perfectly fine in that respect.
Thoughts of death in relation to others. With regards to what has happened this week. This year.

While I wasn’t specific on my Facebook, it was enough to have people ask if I needed to talk. Yes and no. What do I talk about. I don’t want to talk about how I feel, I instead think about how the deceased person thought in those last few moments.
Of course we would like to think they have family and loved ones on their mind, but what about other things, regrets, wishes, what they could of, should have said to someone.

Do they get scared, a moment of “why me, why now?” And thoughts of where their soul may go to, their thoughts.
Are there thoughts of ‘I shouldn’t have done that, look where I am now’
Do they know what is about to happen and are they scared of that specifically. Or just what they are leaving behind, family and friends.

For those who choose to take their own life, is there a moment when it’s too late to go back. Do they realise they shouldn’t be doing this. There are other ways to deal with it.
Are they peaceful and relaxed, knowing it is the right thing.
Do they think of their family and friends, or just the reasons they are where are.

A freak accident, do they even realise what is happening, or did they have no warning.
An accident at work. Did they die doing what they loved, were they happy in that fact, but lonely at the end.
And then there are the reasons one can choose, health. When you are told you’re a prime candidate for a heart attack, what do you do. Fix things so you can get off that list. Or not worry, thinking it will never happen to you.

Would you rather see your partner and kids with you in hospital at the last minute or want to spare them them the pain. Spare yourself from seeing their faces.

And all the family wants is closure, a time to heal and then time to start over.

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A new way with words

I’ve noticed these last few weeks, since I started my 365 day photo challenge that I am getting better at saying more with less words.
Each photo is accompanied by up to 6 sentences of brief description. Just enough information to tell you a bit about my day, or what I was thinking. Some posts have been hard, some are a lot easier. That’s life though. Good days, bad days, and everything in between.
It’s been an interesting journey so far. Condensing my thoughts and feelings into such a small space. My photos may or may not get better (these posts are usually done with the phone which does most of the work) but I know that my words, writing style and maybe even eloquence will definitely be much improved by the end of the challenge.
When talking I often have either verbal diarrhoea, am completely tongue tied and nothing comes out right or have nothing at all to say.
Or they are all tied together – the first one is often paired with an over excitement that I’ve recently been told can be a bit much and in your face. And then the tongue tied comes in as the mouth cannot keep up with the brain. Which in turn leads to clamming up and not wanting to talk at all.
This is a huge difference to when I was a teenager and beyond. I had to grow into my voice. I wouldn’t talk to a fly, sure I could do all the things I needed to, but in groups, or meeting new people I was super shy. And bugger me if I can remember who it was that let the cat out of the bag, or voice out of the box….

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Discarded from play,
Left alone in pursuit of more excitement.

Jen 🙂