*Please excuse the language, but I felt it was warranted*
She sat at the computer, the letter opened and crumpled on the desk, tears sliding down her cheeks, dripping onto the keyboard.
This was the response she had been waiting for. Not the words that were written, but the letter itself. A response. An acknowledgement of sorts. There was so much history, so many things that needed sorting out. But it seems they weren’t willing.
She wondered what had happened to cause them to feel this way. Whatever it was, happened long before she came on the scene, long before any of the kids really understood it. She knew that, but why hang on to it. Why dwell on it and let it dictate who you were.
She had to gt her thoughts out. Quickly and in short. Before there was time to think, and consider what was on the page. Empty her head of this anger.
The letter in her hand, smoothed and facing her. Full of quotes, things ‘apparently’ said and their responses. And all of them taking no responsibility, not even a share of it. Laying the blame squarely at their feet. It was all them.
They had apologised so many times it was ridiculous. They had fought, screamed, and come close to throwing punches. But it was always only their fault.
One line caught her eye, and she crumbled the letter. Throwing it at the far wall, screaming. A gutteral primal noise.
The tears fell as she wondered how they could sleep at night. How could they treat people like that and expect them to be nice in return. “Respect me, but I’ll treat you how I see fit” That was what appeared to be their motto. It was how they treated everyone they dealt with. There was no compassion, no grey areas. It was all black and white for them. Right and wrong. They were white, always right, all the time, and everyone else was in the black area, with some kind of blame, some kind of nasty personality hanging over their heads.
When she first met them, they were lovely. A little over the top, but still nice enough. It wasn’t long before she saw their dark side. Lumped with the blame, somehow just being there was enough to be faulted.
There came a time when she had had enough. She tried to talk, which resulted in a screaming match. So much for trying to be nice about it. It was so far beyond her personality to be nasty like this. She hated the feeling it caused in her gut, making her feel sick.
It took a lot, but watch out when she did blow. Nuclear reaction would be a good word.
At this stage, now, with the letter in front of her she was far from the sweet and innocent, naive young girl she used to be. Older, wiser, blunter. Capable of standing up for herself. Not chasing confrontation, but dealing if she had to. That was still not something she liked. Ran far away if possible.
Choking on her tears, and barely being able to see the keyboard she typed her last thoughts. Her reasons. Her final message to the people who should have been listening, but weren’t. Pushing the computer away, she left the room, she had to be far away form the scene, curled up on her bed and let the pain come. The sobs wracked her body, her throat and eyes burning from the tears, as it all came out, she quietened gradually before letting her body rest. After reading the letter and message he found, her husband climbed into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms, tears silently falling.
Family comes in all shapes and sizes.
Family can be large or small
Family can be fun.
Family can fucking awful.
Your family doesn’t have to be your blood relatives but the people you spend time with and enjoy being around.
As a parent you are suposed to support and care for your kids.
Not try to control their lives.
Sometimes in life, you have to do what is hardest.
Even though you have tried to get it sorted, tried to help heal wounds,
Some people just can’t see the forest for the trees – or their mistakes for all the arguing.
Some things become so petty after a while that it seems silly to keep going, but principles, respect and apologies need to happen.
Trust. Should be a given.
And I don’t trust you anymore.
I cannot trust you anymore.
Your words. Your actions. You full stop.
Respect. Should be earned and appreciated.
I cannot respect you again.
You have gone too far this time.
This has gone on long enough.
Enough is enough.
Grow up already.
Don’t you realise you’re the ones missing out here.
If this doesn’t happen.
Then I’m sorry but Goodbye!
I don’t need you in my life.
I don’t need you floating in the background like a black cloud.
I don’t need the negativity, and the bullshit. Goodbye, and have a good life.