Wisdom, contentment and a place in life.

This week I am having a milestone birthday. You know the sort, the ones that have a zero in them. I am excited, and yet it feels weird. Is there anything to be excited about. Should I be excited. Well too bad. I’m on a good thing, and I’m running with it. A definite place of contentment.
This would be where I start to scoff at those who do the whole ‘it’s a big birthday, am I where I wanted to be by this age’ sort of thing, but the last few weeks I’ve found myself thinking those exact things. Yikes. Does that mean I’m finally getting the hang of this, have I developed a new wisdom over the years and am now capable of deeper thoughts, analysing things. I’ll say yes to the wisdom, I’ve been around and have definitely grown as a person in that regard.

It’s not the ‘am I where I wanted to be’ thoughts. I never really had thoughts of the career destination thing, so it doesn’t apply. I had numerous aspirations of different careers and jobs but I only worked initially until we had kids. I suppose I got lucky and found my man early on – who knows where I would be if that hadn’t happened. And no I have not really thought about it, why would I?
Becoming a mother was not my only thought, but it was the main idea. (And to all you feminazis saying that there is so much more to a woman than being a wife and mum, Get a life! Sure, we can be whatever we want, but don’t say there is anything wrong my choice.)
I love being a housewife!
As for a career, I think I’ll be in the group of ‘older woman who starts a business’ rather than having needed to do it all before hand.

Since I left home at age 18 what have I achieved? Everything and nothing. I say nothing because job wise I’ve done a few things but they were not earth shattering, change the world jobs.
Early on I learnt not to trust certain types people – who fancies getting the sack on their first wedding anniversary? It was a relief in some ways that one – and to take note of everything that happens. I worked and had kids, and we moved, a lot.
After ten years I went back to work to combat the depression that was creeping up – moving to the middle of nowhere will do that to a person.

On the other hand. Everything. I have three (totally gorgeous, wonderful and funny!) sons who are well adjusted, decent humans. We have a really good relationship and say what you will, I have loved everything about staying at home with them. I am still very happily married and ready to celebrate 19 years with the same (gorgeous, wonderful and funny – it’s where the kids get it from, ;-)) man.

I am having a birthday, and my thoughts are hovering on the where I am. Happy, healthy, living somewhere I love and no regrets. Learn from things you have done, dont regret that you did them.
Sure, the ‘what ifs’ might be there, but I dont need to think about it. Would they have made my life better, would I be the same person I am now? Who knows, and I am not thinking about it because I don’t need to.

I have acheived a whole lot of things in my life. I have done a lot of growing up in the last 10 years. I’m still the same person, but I am different. Older of course, but there is an occassional jaded, cynical side to me now. I still like to see the positive and good points in poeple and life but I’m not so naive anymore.

In the car this afternoon an old song came on the radio and two lines resonated with me for some strange reason. ‘in this life we’re just beginning to understand the miracle of living, I was once afraid, (baby) I’m not afraid any more’ Says it all really.

And in the morning begins two days of birthday celebrations. Lucky me.